Here's my boyfriend! He isn't real. Created: 31/08/2024 Last updated: 06/05/2025

This is Team Galactic's leader Cyrus! A man determined to create a new world without strive. He was introduced in the GEN 4 Pokémon games (Diamond and Pearl) released in late September of 2006, and made several more (albeit rather minor) appearances in future games.... He's my boyfriend! Or at least, I pretend he is.

We live in a time where the internet has become a bit of a necessity. From online shopping to work-related matters to simply staying in touch. Despite its recent involvement in our day-to-day lives, many can not go without, for many this even IS their lives. If the life behind a screen is more significant than the one you truly experience, what do real relationships matter?
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31/08/2024 Of course, the above is rather nonsensical. Humans are social beings, creatures in need of human touch, human experience, human connection. Matter of fact, it makes my choice for 'romantic companionship' quite the ironic one. Yet, it makes the reality of things just the more sorrowful.

With the increased life spent behind a screen, those primary human needs have become somewhat lost. Though there's still plenty of love and connection if you look around, there's some undercurrent of isolation in how day-to-day life has become. Many spend a lot of their days behind their phones, seeking easier connection whenever possible. Note: Easier, that's where it goes wrong. Human connection is rather simple in and of itself, but to create something audibly meaningful is difficult. With the internet it is ever so easier to arouse emotion, to fill the need for understanding, affection and feeling with a placebo of sorts. An unrealistic perspective that many can not look past because it is easy and satisfactory, and inevitably avoids any need to be vulnerable. It's harder to reach real people, as it is harder than ever to be real.

I myself am no better, till this day many hours are spent in fiction. Creating stories that are more cinematic compared to my isolative NEET lifestyle. Even after several failed relationships due to a mere unwillingness to get over attachment issues and express actual vulnerabilities I settled for what it easy. A man my type: Difficult, interesting, mature yet unrealistic.. That's my type, yes. I didn't say I have good taste (Perhaps I am better off not dating real people.) but all in all: Someone not real.

In a way, it is a dramatization. There are still many lives spent in a meaningful manner. And even IF someone does rot away behind their pixelated worlds, what does it matter? Inevitably, all humans live for a simple reason: to survive. And in our way of living that doesn't require the primal lifestyle of wild animals. We humans can't just freely hunt when we're hungry, or roll around in a pond if we require a washing. We as a species have developed quite the different quality of life. Nevertheless, with survival I mean one thing: The simple act of living. Of course, for many food, shelter and other necessities are not as much a given as it is for others. That is a matter worth acknowledging of course. We do live in a society where money is our primary source of our survival. But regarding this topic it isn't worth discussing in detail. That's the wire mother of survival, we're talking about the cloth mother. (Reference to the Harry Harlow monkey experiments.)

Humans are a social species, in turn that means it's genetically inevitable to desire human interaction and connection. Of course, this is a need showcased in animals too, it really is just a natural phenomenon. Why? Look at ants. One ant is nothing, many can cause quite the hassle. It is a give and take, a mutual understanding and support. Of course, the average human being is intelligent in that regard which comes with its difficulties (though with some of the rudeness I see these days it's quite hard to truly believe those words, but no matter.)

Taking myself as an example, I find myself unusually uncomfortable around people. Fact of the matter is that as much as people a bit lamb-minded, following about any trend or common mindset in their surroundings, they're still deeply complex individuals that CAN go beyond their set way of being. I think that animals are much less deceptive than the average human is. Sure, humans can generally be predictable. But I feel like the chance for a sudden change of mind, life or being is much more prominent and common in humans compared to the average animal. That is something I consider in my every interaction, knowing how deceptive people can be no matter how much you can try to recognize the signs of lies. Humans have made deception ever so easier simply through the fact we speak through words with a variety of meanings, rather than JUST tone and body language.

Long story short: Human beings are complex and somewhat unpredictable.

Now imagine: Someone perfect for you, someone predictable, someone you can suit to your every need. Someone you don't have to worry about beyond the simple challenges of life.. Well, that's just unrealistic, isn't it?.. But does it HAVE to be real?

It is certainly considered a taboo of sorts in day-to-day life, I don't see many talking about it (Than again, how involved am I in my community? Not much). But on the internet there are many, and I say MANY participants in Selfshipping, AI dating and other matters in that genre. A question may be, is that healthy? I feel like it depends. There's a delicate balance in all that brings pleasure, especially in regards to anything addictive. Despite the easiness of hiding away from the world there still is a NEED to live. But that brings us back, is it bad? Unhealthy? Embarassing? I feel like it isn't, personally. (Unless the characters of interest cross the border of something that wouldn't be acceptable in real-life either, of course.. But that's a whole different topic.)

Inevitably, everyone is 'weird' in their own right. If not to one it will be to another. If dating a fictional character makes one happy, what is the harm? Though it is important to not get overly lost in fiction and neglect real-life experience and development.. But really, who am I to judge? If someone is happy and doesn't hurt anyone through that life, than is it really all that bad?

20/01/2025: Me and Cyrus are still "Together!" It's been over a year and anybody else has yet to take my heart..

05/05/2025 Someone real took my heart in March..

06/05/2025 Okay, you look stupid now! Falling in love after such an elaborate speech on fictional love. Rest assured: I didn't chase down someone difficult, interesting, mature yet unrealistic like I stated by type being. Sure, that it still very much my type. But that came from a place where I hadn't experienced true love. Closest I had gotten was Cyrus, and I still see that experience as the first evidence of me being capable of the romantic love after I had shut it out for over the last decade. But now I know true love, and it's for someone honest, mature but not without boyishness, hardworking, loving and handsome. Though the irony of it all that he lives about a 10 hour flight away. So in the end I'm still stuck staring at a screen to love.

I still very much see Cyrus as a huge source of comfort, though with this newfound affection for someone real the self-insert has grown to be more something of a best friend situation. There is no shame in selfshipping whilst in a real relationship of any kind, it just isn't for me. I already feel weird about the idea of selfshipping with multiple characters, but I don't judge anyone for doing so. In the end, fiction is fiction and reality is reality. They'll always be two separate entities.

Despite dipping my toes in the waters of loving an actual human being I still see value and agree in what I stated above. And it still partially applies to me. People dream, people yearn, people desire. Inevitably the source of pleasure is the things we imagine it to be, rather than the reality of it. Sex can be many things; arousing, romantic, terrifying, reproduction, or just plain people rubbing into eachother. Any type of thing isn't exactly what we experience it to be. All life is fiction, a perspective with tangible elements. There's always two sides of the stories, and they can differ even if neither party is lying. Inevitably, all parties lie; all you have is something closest to the tangible truth.

People find love in pain and comfort. In the tangible and the imagination. Does it truly matter whether it is real or fake? No. As long as nobody is harmed, or anything that could harm someone is encouraged.

Fictitious love can be shapen to suit your needs and desires, but you will always suffer it not being tangible beyond object. Love for someone alive is more difficult, but I find it is a lot more exciting to love someone real, someone flawed. I've never experienced love like this before, I assumed I was just too caught up in my own head, my own issues, to experience such a thing. But I fell in love with him in the most selfless ways I can muster, and I will continue to try and be selfless for him. I want to be a nicer person, a happier person, and I want this to work despite the way I am and have been.

Love is about choosing someone over and over. And no matter how much I distance myself from reality I want to choose him, continue to love him, and not chain him down to me or any sort of delusion. That is what love is to me.